A: This letter reminds me of a letter from January. It was from a guy having a meltdown about something that makes everyone feel meltdown-ish. There's really no way to be a dating pro. No one knows exactly what they're doing. We all worry about being stuffed in the friend zone. We're all equal in this.

I do want you to think about what it means to look for a partner. I receive a lot of letters about standards and "setting the bar too low." My question to you is: Why is there a bar? You shouldn't be categorizing people based on whether you think they're too good for you. You shouldn't be labeling other men as peers or possible threats. Dating isn't about finding someone who meets a set of standards. It's about finding someone you like to be around who wants to be around you too.

So that's my advice. Find a group of people, men and women, who are good company. (You can join teams, alumni groups, etc.) Then think about whether you like any of the women more than the others (enough to kiss them). Don't think about their on-paper statistics. Don't think about what you offer them. Just think about how you get along. That's what matters here.

You're welcome to go to a therapist and talk about your confidence, but your problem is really about how you perceive the dating world. It's not a competition. It's just about finding someone you like.

Readers? We do get a lot of letters about dating and standards. Is that the right way to look at the dating experience? Can you give this guy a reality check? Help.

– Meredith